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How To Use Sex Toys To Revive Your Sex Life

The best sex toys come with an unmistakable power – the ability to rehabilitate and transform your sex life. Today’s post explains how these toys can get your libido back on track.

You’ve heard the stories. The sex was incredible in the beginning, and then life happened. Somewhere amidst the daily slog, you lost the spark you once shared.

Sex happened less and less…and now you aren’t even sure you want it any more.

All you know is that a deep chasm remains where excitement, desire, passion and romance once lived.

“I love him/her but the sex is…bad,” – sound familiar?

If this resonates with you, then you will be glad to know you are not alone.

It’s perfectly normal for your sex life to wane, the trick is to recognize the dysfunction and face it head on.

Right now you have a choice.

Let your libido die or bring it back to life!

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The ‘Never In The Mood’ Syndrome

There are so many reasons why your sex life has deflated, like a 5 day old helium balloon. Kids, work stress, anger, relationship trouble and sheer boredom are the most popular reasons.

  • She never wants to have sex anymore, so I don’t even try – he says.
  • He never puts any effort into the experience, so I never feel aroused – she says.

Sexuality is a strange thing. When you stay with the same partner for a long time, eventually sexual dysfunction is bound to happen. It’s one of those things that everyone experiences at some point. Having a collection of quality sex toys is not only a viable answer, but a relationship-saving one.

Thanks to Seth Stephens-Davidowitz of the New York Times, we know that ‘sexless marriage’ is the most Googled term of any marriage search, even among terms like ‘loveless marriage’ and ‘unhappy marriage.’ Sexual dysfunction in the world is rampant!

Interestingly, a recent study by Psychology Today reported that women who used vibrating sex toys had higher libidos, more orgasms and greater levels of sexual satisfaction than those who did not – proving what we already knew – that regular sex toy use in the bedroom increases your sex drive!

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Reigniting Your Libido Using Solo Toys: Sex on Your Own Terms

It’s easy to forget that your sexuality is not your partner’s responsibility. Feeling frustration and ultimately rejection because your significant other does not have time for you, is a problem you can solve yourself. ‘Use it or lose it’ as they say.

How To Use Solo Sex Toys:

Masturbating is healthy, fun and keeps your libido going. But there’s only so much you can experience without a sex toy helping you along. Different kinds of toys will expose you to a variety of feelings, which will teach you what you like, what you don’t and what turns you on the most.

Quality vibrators like the Kissing Swan Rabbit Vibrator or the Sqweel Go Oral Stimulator will excite you in different ways. The Rabbit is for deep penetration and stimulates you on the inside and the outside, while the Sqweel simulates licking for external pleasure.

Depending on your level of sensitivity you might find one to be heaven and another unbearable. It all depends on you! Here is some general advice:

  • Women – vibrators and dildos are ideal luxury sex toys for solo play. Buy one and experiment, paying attention to stimulation, intensity, power, arousal and orgasm strength.
  • Men – vibrators and fleshlights are great! Sex can be imitated by these masturbators quite successfully, so pay attention to power, comfort and orgasm strength during use.

Most adult toys come with a set of instructions, but how you end up using the toy is really down to your unique preferences. Aim for stimulation at least 2-3 times a week to ramp up your sex drive.

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Setting Your Lovers World on Fire: Sex Toys For Foreplay

A competent sex toy takes all the effort out of arousal, which means that you can conserve your energy for the main show without skimping on foreplay for your lover. Both men and women should spend time arousing each other until they are ready for sex.

It is the exchange of touch that allows intimacy to be established. To get your sex life back on track you need to give and you need to get. Real gratification can’t exist if one of these is missing.

How To Use Sex Toys For Foreplay

It’s true – the right sex toy will give your partner the pleasure they so desperately desire. Once your libido is high enough, get your lover involved in your masturbation sessions.

Talk to them about what you like and what makes you the most aroused by showing them how you use your toy.

Gradually, allow your partner to take over. They will be excited to see you turned on, and you will have mastered the art of turning yourself on. The more you become aroused, the more foreplay and sex you will have – but here’s the challenge:

  • For one entire week make a point of using your new sex toys for foreplay only. Don’t have sex. In fact, ban it. Take it off the table! It’s amazing how much forbidden pleasure can do when both of you are enjoying foreplay on its own. When sex happens, it will be great!

To begin slowly, try a sensual massage as an entry level experience.

Using Adult Toys Before and During Sex: The Final Step

Reviving your sex life is going to take a lot of solo work, and focus on foreplay. These are the basic building blocks of sexual interest in your chosen partner. Remember when you started dating? The newness of each experience created a magnetic attraction and an intense bond.

You can get this back by progressing to the final step – using hot sex toys together in the bedroom. After some lingering foreplay, be experimental. A couple’s sex toy doesn’t only serve one purpose, you can use it in many different ways.

For example, if you have been using a male masturbator, there are models on the market that allow you to have sex while wearing one, providing rolling pulses for both of you simultaneously.

  • The point of adding adult toys to your sex life is to create new, unique experiences. To amplify desire and revert to a state of total immersion in each other. That means being creative, spending time focused on your lover and giving them something exciting and ‘never-experienced-before’ no matter how many times you are together. It may sound challenging right now, but great sex toys tend to inspire original experiences. That’s why the moment you become bored by your chosen toy, buy another one – something new and different. Then start the process over again, solo…foreplay…no sex…then lots of sex!
  • Vary your experiences by focusing on one of the three levels of pleasure per encounter. One day you might let your partner watch you masturbate, then have sex. The next day you can focus on giving them a specific type of foreplay, then sex. Or you can use your couple’s sex toys during sex for more explosive arousal and desire in the moment.

Don’t try to do everything at once. Take your time when exploring your own body and theirs. There is nothing worse than rushing, because pleasure can’t manifest in a rush.

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Busting Sex Toy Myths For a Stronger Sexual Relationship

Men and women experience low libidos at different times in their lives. When it happens, you can either allow it to negatively impact your relationship or you can work on correcting it. There are two main myths about luxury sex toys that could be keeping you from a healthier sex life.

  • A sex toy cannot and will not ever be able to replace the person you love. It is a total myth that once you start using toys, you lose interest in the real deal.
  • Quality sex toys do not numb your nether regions leading to a lack of feeling during sex, quite the opposite. Studies have found that these toys actually improve your chances of orgasm with frequent use, and with 75% of women struggling to orgasm, this matters!

Understanding The Causes of a Failing Sex Life 

According to Steven Hedger, a prominent marriage coach, these are the most common reasons why a sexual relationship dies…

Resentment in the relationship Unresolved intimacy issues
Mistrust Judgement and punishment in the relationship
Ever worsening arguments The loss of playfulness
Lack of self-confidence when with partner Insecure male
Controlling behaviours Lack of safety and security in the relationship
Guilt Constant rejection
Female who has taken the masculine role Loss of attraction due to emotional distance

While fun sex toys can reignite your sex drive, you will have to work on solving these emotional issues to really find your way back to true intimacy with your partner. Solve these issues then work on your libido to get back on the road to recovery.

So, how does an adult toy improve sex drive? By allowing you to explore yourself, reconnect with your partner and rekindle the novel attraction and excitement you once shared. You can fix your ailing sex life with great sex toys from Désir.

Learn more about using toys for sex with our post on creating ultimate romance here, or find out how to choose the perfect adult sex toys every time here.

What Do You Think?

Thank you for reading our post, we hope you found it helpful. In the spirit of our mission we have one more thing to ask you! Why do you believe your libido has suffered lately? Is it a combination of several things going on in your life? You can leave us a message on our adult shop contact us page or your can leave a comment below. We would really appreciate your feedback and input.

About Jade

I am the Operations Manager at Désir & feel so privileged to have been a part of this adventure from the very beginning, conceptualizing and building our amazing lingerie and sex toy ranges. Having a Diploma in Business Analysis my aim is to assist in the streamlining of processes, thereby ensuring maximum efficiency, remaining relevant by keeping up to date with trends, and producing statistical analysis in order to meet our consumer’s needs.

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