Losing your virginity. Your first time. Popping your cherry. Going all the way. No matter what you called it, most people don’t exactly have the most astronomically wonderful first sexual experience. It’s awkward, it’s not like you imagined it, or it was over really quickly! Most of my clients, when sharing with me about the first time they had sex, don’t generally remember it fondly. Let’s explore a little about why this happens and bust some myths about your first sexual experience
It’s going to hurt a lot for the woman
When most women tell me about their expectation of losing their virginity, they generally think that it’s going to hurt, they will bleed and it’s particularly unpleasant. First things first – the pain women think about is most commonly not caused by penetration and the ‘tearing’ of a woman’s hymen (a little piece of skin present from birth that covers the vaginal opening), but most commonly because she isn’t aroused enough (naturally lubricated or by using some lubricant) or she is anxious/ tense the first time she has sex. For most women, by the time they have sex, the hymen has naturally torn and disappeared through simple things like riding a bike, rough play as kids, using tampons etc. It is possible for you to bleed the first time you have sex, and this can happen to some women. It’s nothing to worry about and a simple response to penetration for the first time in this part of your body.
Both partners will have an orgasm; quickly and easily
Unlike what the movies and porn might have led you to believe, sex does not happen like it’s portrayed on screen. In real life, people have hair on their genitals, genitals come in all different shapes and sizes, a man and woman do not climax at the same time, and a woman most certainly doesn’t climax from simple thrusting in a minute or less! The first time you have sex, it’s unlikely to be anything near your best sexual experience. Most females don’t even begin to experience pleasure, and for most males it’s over quite quickly (or maybe doesn’t really get started due to performance anxiety). Know that it will get better, and that the more sex you and a partner have, the better it should be.
You can’t fall pregnant or contract an STI your first time
Sadly the sex education messages drilled into you in school were there for a reason. First time sex with an ‘unknown’ partner (where you don’t know about the status of their sexual health) is as risky as sex with a long-term partner if you don’t know their status. It’s very possible to fall pregnant the first time you have sex, the withdrawal method has the lowest rate in preventing unwanted pregnancies, and even if someone ‘looks ok’ doesn’t mean they don’t have something you could contract. Sex is supposed to be fun, light-hearted and enjoyable, but it’s still important to be safe! Both men and women need to be responsible for their own sexual health – don’t expect your partner to be carrying a condom and please, please insist on using condoms with a new partner until you’re both more aware of your sexual health.
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