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Dorothy Black on Sexy First Times

I’m not big fan of First Times when it comes to anything sex. In my experience, First Time anything sex is a fraught and sometimes disappointing affair.

First time fumbles, first time penetration, first time threesomes, first time role play, first time you name it…

Nothing in reality, after all, can live up to the magic of imagination or fantasy of film where no one’s hair smells bad, no one has problematic memories, no one has digestive issues, no one is getting confused with the ropes, no one’s rhythm is off and no one is falling of a bed or getting sad about an anxiety-ridden penis.

Look, maybe it’s just me.

There’s a meme going around currently that perfectly sums up my experience of first times: ‘If you’re happy and you know it, overthink. If you’re happy and you know it, overthink. If you’re happy and you know it, give your brain a chance to blow it. If you’re happy and you know it overthink.’Ha ha.

But seriously though. I consider first time sex of any kind to be a trial run, a scoping out of the land to gather intel, a gentle investigation of possibility.

It’s the only reasonable approach to the experience, especially if you can accept that the act of sex isn’t limited to the body part between your legs.

There’s the whole system of ‘you’ involved in your hanky panky, of which your emotional and intellectual responses are powerful manipulators.

While your brain is frantically working to build new synapsis to accommodate the new experience, it’s also dealing with the contradictory fires of physical pleasure and awkwardness lighting up in every sector of its grey mass.

Try and ‘just’ have a good time through all of that.

Not exactly easy and maybe not even really possible. No one expects a first time driver to cruise around Cape Point and just have a good time.

Like anything in life, practice makes better and sex isn’t exempt from this.

So for me? I say to hell with First Times, I pin my sexy hopes, dreams and long-term judgements on Third and Fourth Times.

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About Dorothy Black

Dorothy Black

Dorothy Black has worked as a journalist, columnist and media personality in the field of sex and relationships since 2008. Since then Dot has written sex and relationship features and columns for a number publications including Marie Claire, Balanced Life, MAN, Men’s Health, Grazia, The Edit and Mail and Guardian, among others; She’s written sex advice columns for Cosmopolitan, Balanced Life, Club and ClubX; She’s produced videocasts for News24 and HEAIDS; She’s headed up South Africa’s largest student sex survey in 2013; and in 2016 published her first book, The Dot Spot – Adventures in Love and Sex.

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